Reform

I don't have a ton of time to write today because I have laundry to do and things to prep for my trip (yep I'm that fucking bomb that I'm prepping a week and a half before my trip) - actually... hold the phone, let me pee and throw in a load of laundry before I sit here and type - TMI, I know.
6 minutes later... it's funny, I say brb but in the world of blogging, you don't really know that I left, huh?  stupid.

Ok - so I'm doing a blogging reformation of sorts.  The other day I posted some of my most random thoughts to you from past blogs and it got me thinking about how my blogging style has changed over the years.  Not that there is anything wrong with it, but I kind of want to try and get back on track with what I used to be.  I never used to blog my day to day life and as of late, in below zero temps, there isn't much of a day to day life going on.
So while I may lose some followers because I say words like fuck, retard, and gay (yep, and I'm not ashamed of it) - I'm okay because if someone really wants to read my blog in the first place, they'll be okay with who I am, the words I use, and things I do.  I'm going to live with my boyfriend and we're clearly not married - while I probably won't share deeds of my sex life here because boyfriend wouldn't approve, it's obvious that we'll be sleeping in the same bed.

I don't want to censor who I am just because I blog.  I am what I am and that's all that I am, yo.

So that's that.  I'd love for you all to stick around, but I understand if some of you can't deal with my lifestyle and the choices I make.  It's been real, for real.  While I'd really like some of you stalkers to come out of the woodwork and say hello - I simply don't care anymore; if you don't want to be my friend that's fine.  I'll go private one day and you won't be able to read anymore.

One quick little bit of life I'd like to share with you is my morning - I cleaned my grandma's apartment this morning and she asked me if I wanted to go to lunch afterwards - of course I agreed.  Even if I hadn't wanted to, I would have said yes because you just don't say no to grandma!  At lunch grandma was telling me stories about the past and how life has changed to much since she was young.  Obviously I know this - hell, things have changed since I was younger.
I never met my grandpa - he died when my dad was young and my whole life I've always wished I could have at least met him.  I always think about one question I'd want to ask him ... I just have a huge desire to know the person who I'm a part of.  Nothing I can do about it, I know.
My grandma was talking about how she used to be an alcoholic - not a secret in our family as she's overcome it with flying colors and been sober for 31 years - one thing that she said I few times was that if she had the guts back then, she'd have left my grandpa.  It kind of made me want to cry because I have this super high opinion of who he was and, you know, you put people you've never met on a pedestal... well, his pedestal started to crumble when she said that.

She wasn't making him out to be a bad man, but he was addicted to his job and never romanced her.  On the weekends it was always going up north to the lake and him hanging with the guys while she took care of the kids, never a weekend away just the two of them.  Never bought her flowers or little things to show appreciation for her - and she raised 4 kids, essentially alone.  Back then, it was the womans job to raise the children, so... it's not completely absurd.  It just struck me as sad, sad for my grandma, living a life with someone who didn't truly make her happy.

So - I'm not sure the point of this other than... just to say that happiness is hard to come by and you should always show appreciation for the one you love.  Even a small gesture will go a long way.
Sometimes though, life just sucks.  Don't forget to find your happiness!