Random Update v16.1

So it's been a hot minute since I've typed a random blog... I'm gonna try to do a random update of sorts.  Lots to be keeping track of in my life right now.  I'm seriously behind.

• Last October (2015) my (maternal) grandfather passed away. 
• Last month (August 2016), his wife, my (maternal) Grandmother, passed away.
• That means, in a span of 15 months, I lost 3 grandparents and a cat.  I'm ready for death to be done.
• In June, I added a little tattoo to my growing collection, in honor of my little buddy (this is his actual print):

• Somewhere around the end of July, we took a jack hammer to our front stairs and began building a patio all by ourselves.  I'll post another blog detailing this patio.. it's pretty cool actually.
  Here is what our house looked like when we moved in:
  
  
  
  
  Here is what our house looks like now (currently under construction still):
  

  
• I have some exciting things coming up in the next few weeks:
• I'm running a Vikings 5k on 10/1 and the finish line is at the 50 yard line of the new home to the Minnesota Vikings (U.S. Bank Stadium)
• After that 5k, I will be boarding a plane with my mom and brother and heading to Portland, OR for a few days!
• I'm going to see Sia on 10/13!!!
• A week after Sia I will be boarding a plane with my favorite group of girls and heading to VEGAS!!
• We also have ticket to see Britney Spears while in Vegas :)
  

I think that is probably about all I've got for now... I"ll put together something regarding the patio, with more detail real soon for your reading pleasure.

~Cheers~

Ang

May is becoming my least favorite month... RIP Boomer

RIP Sweet Kitty

Back on May 3rd the hardest decision of my life was made.  Boomer was ready to leave my side and go play with the all the heavens have to offer.  All he can eat catnip, mice to chase, cheese and yogurt galore...

You don't need details... because simply, the details are not important.  His health was declining and rather than selfishly keeping him around and pumping him full of drugs and other crap, I decided it was time to move on.  The vet supported my decision and told me that cats don't show pain like people do and he was likely in pain.  Hard to hear, but a no-brainer as far as the decision.

He was my little buddy for 14 years.

It's been 3 weeks to the day and I'm still fucking distraught over it.  I went to the vet alone to talk it over, knowing the whole day it was coming... Steve came and I explained everything and we agreed.

It's so different losing a life that is part of your everyday.  You still look at the floor when you walk to give him a good pet or to make sure you're not going to step on him.  You still look at his food dish to make sure he's eating.  You still think to give him fresh water all the time.  You lay on the couch and wait for him to jump up and cuddle with you:

I've been in a downward spiral... drinking more than I should be, not working out, not having any real motivation for things in general.  I weighed myself this morning and I'm 0.8# away from hitting the next weight class {up} in weight... so hopefully I can go home and run tonight.  I can't cross back into that weight class.  I think that working out routinely will help boost my mood, as it has before, so I need to find the energy to try.  Even if it's just a short run, I need to do something.  I need out of this funk.

Last year on Mother's Day (May 10th), my Gma (and my best friend) passed.  3 years ago on May 22nd, 10 days before our wedding, Steve's mother passed.  Before I was born, on Mother's Day (May 12, 1972), my grandfather passed.  It just seems like May is quickly filling up with sad dates.

Heaven has a new Angel

Gloria
1924-2015

I can't even begin to express in words how much this woman meant to me.  

My entire life I had a special relationship and bond with my Grandma.  It all started with my middle name... once I was old enough to understand that her and I share the same middle name I felt like she was my guardian angel, here on Earth.

I remember being little and spending a lot of time and my gma's place with my brother.  I guess my parents liked to go out and have a good time!  We'd spend New Year's Eve with her and she'd always buy those little champagne bottle poppers and I thought "Man, we must be so special to have these" as if we were the only kids to pop them at midnight.  Gma's place was always a magical one.  She was strict, but let us do a lot of fun things.  She'd serve us a half grapefruit in the morning, with a cherry in the middle... and it was up to us how much sugar we put on it!

We never lost this bond over the years.  Our family has always been close and we see each other often.  I remember being little and asking my dad "will Gma live until my golden birthday?"  My golden Birthday was my Sweet 16, so I wanted so badly for her to be there and be a part of it.  Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she always gave gold gifts on golden birthday's...

I don't remember what year it was that I started cleaning for my grandma, but her normal cleaning lady had quit and I was available and always looking to earn some extra money.  I cleaned her apartment for years... during these cleaning visits, we'd talk and talk and talk (mostly her telling me stories from the good old days), but it just solidified that we were soul mates.  I loved hearing those stories as many times as she wanted to tell them.  She loved having the company.  It worked great for the both of us.

In recent years her memory started to fade, and it was very sad to see, but through it all she knew the love I had in my heart for her.  She told me often how she could feel my love in every conversation, every hug, and every kiss.  I'm glad that my love conveyed so strongly to her.

________________________________________

Gma lived to be 90 years young.  When I say she lived... she really LIVED everyday.  I swear I've heard so many stories about all the things she did as a youngster... the good, bad and the ugly!

She lost her mother at a very young age and her father was hospitalized with TB (he passed when she was a teen) so was raised by her grandparents.  She often told me about how strict her grandma was, but how she learned so much from her.
I believe she was 17 when she went to The Glen Lake Sanatorium with a diagnosis of Tuberculosis.  She spent 5 years there and met my grandpa, who also had TB (My grandpas died on Mother's Day {5/14/1972} at age 49.  My Gma died on Mother's day {5/10/2015} at age 90).

She smoked for many years and quit, she drank (to excess) for many years and quit.  There was no reason her body should have made it to 90 years old other than her spirit wasn't ready to quit.

The one thing I always loved about my gma was her smile and positive outlook on life.  She was a gem on a daily basis.  Up until her last breath she never complained.

If I can live my life half as optimistically as she did, I know the world will be a better place.  My heart breaks knowing what I'll never get to say and do again, but I'm comforted by the fact that she's been reunited with those who've passed before her, including her sister, and by the fact that 90 years old is no small feat.  I truly feel she was ready to meet her maker.

So Gma, go off and fly with the angels... look down upon me and send love as often as you can.  I will miss your hugs, your triple kiss, your little giggle when I put my cold hands on your neck, your candy dish which always had my favorites as well as suckers for Steve.  I'll never forget your stories, your positive nature, and the way you used to go deep into character when you'd read me nursery rhymes as a child.  Thank you for all the love you given me, the lessons you've taught me, and the little ray of sunshine you brought into so many lives you've crossed along your journey.

I love you with my whole entire heart and I know you know this.  I will miss you terribly and remember you every day.  Please tell Elaine, Gary, Donna, Betty, Bill, and Gpa that I say hello and love them all.

Grieving

I had such a wonderful conversation with an old friend last night.  He was a HUGE part of my life when Davina was and has an amazing memory.  We started out on Facebook, talking about memories then I just had to have him call me... I wanted to hear the story that he remembered.. every bit of it.  I asked him to give all the details he could, even then I still didn't remember it happening.  Although, in my own defense, it was a horrific story that it seems I may not want to remember.  Okay, maybe horrific is a stretch, but almost getting blown away in a thunderstorm can be pretty traumatizing!
The older I get the more I realize the my memory isn't what it used to be.

I've been going through pictures for days and remembering so much about my life, not just memories of Davina.  It's amazing the life I've lived.  I'm truly lucky to have had the amazing adventures I have!

I think I'm grieving properly...

I'm talking about it.  It sucks to talk to people who didn't know her, because there is no way you can describe her amazing attitude towards life, the fact that she was always happy and smiling, and how positive she really was.

I'm crying when I need to and smiling when it's appropriate.  In all honesty... I have so many great memories of my time with Davina, I've been smiling and laughing a lot lately (to myself)! 

I'm having guilty feelings of not seeing her enough in recent years.  I know it's not my fault and people grow apart... still feel guilty though.

I want to write on her facebook wall daily and let her know that I'm thinking about her.  When will the time come when I can go just one day without thinking about her?

One thing I struggle with... what to say when people say they are sorry for my loss.  I know I've lost a friend and it sucks, so I know people are going to sympathize and empathize with my pain.  I just don't feel like saying "Thank you" is the right response; is it?  It doesn't seem thankful enough to me.

The funeral service is tomorrow (Thursday) and parts of me are looking forward to it while parts of me are dreading it.  My friend told me that it will help me feel not so alone.  To be able to surround myself with people who can relate, people who have their own stories, and to celebrate her life together; he's a smart boy!  I'm not sure how to get through it.. but I'm going to give it my all and hope that I come out of it feeling amazing and light; like I've sent her to heaven in my mind and she can now truly rest in peace.

I feel like, being I hadn't seen Davina in years, I should feel this upset about it.  Maybe that just means she, in fact, did have a huge impact on my life?

Sorry that I'm kind of all across the board with my thoughts today... just typing as it hits me.

Rest In Peace, Davina

On Saturday, June 12, 2010 heaven gained an angel.

Davina and I were great friends for a long while during my high school career.  We lost touch after she graduated (2 years earlier than me), but always kept our bond and friendship when we'd see each other, which wasn't often.  She was the type of person that you couldn't help but be happy around.  She was always positive, full of energy, and always smiling; her smile is one you'd never forget.  

Such a kind and giving person... I'm instantly flooded with happiness thinking and remembering all the times I spent with Davina.  

We once spent the night in my 1988 Ford Bronco II, with 2 boys, in the parking lot of the local Target store.  One of the boys had a major crush on me and went on and on and on about how I'm the one for him and I should just give him a chance... Davina and I sat in the front seat and giggled so hard about that... with him right there.  

We used to hang out at our friend, Kelley's, house.  We'd hit on the neighbor boys, who were way too old for us, we'd sit and gossip about all the girls in high school and about all the boys we were in love with.  All the typical things high school age girls do... so many laughs, so many memories.

Davina was diagnosed with Lupus in 2005; Liver and Kidney failure took her life in 2010.

Its amazing to sit and think that at 30 years old a life can be taken like that; someone so good and so full of life can be taken from this world.  Was she meant to touch us the way she did?  Was she meant to be that positive force in so many lives?  Was her life's purpose more than that; something that I'm unaware of?  I'm not a religious person and I don't know what I believe about the meaning of life... but it doesn't mean I don't wonder.  

To you, Davina: you were one of the most amazing friends a person could ask for; loyal, positive, beautiful, crazy, fun, and hilarious.  My memories with you, while long ago, instantly bring a smile to my face.  Remember when we searched long and hard for that grey M&M?  Remember BinkyBinaDee?  Remember all the nicknames?!  My only regret is not keeping in close contact with you over the years... if even to just see you once or twice a year.  You've touched my life and so many others.  I'm glad your pain is gone and you can rest in peace now.   I will never forget you.