I have to wake up in a few hours!

If you're anything like me you don't do much in the blogging world over the weekends... I read all the blogs that are posted, but mostly in passing and I rarely comment on weekend posts - not sure why.  Sometimes it's Monday morning at work and I'm just trying to get caught up, other times I read while I'm drinking my morning coffee and don't have 2 hands free to type a comment.
Whatever the reason, it's just how I do things.

It's even more rare for me to post on the weekends.  So why, at almost 4am, on a Saturday am I blogging?  I up, that's why.  Am I drunk?  Nope.  Just up.

Tonight, boyfriend has what appears to be 7-10 guys over for a bachelor party.  I had to get out of the house earlier while they were here BBQing, because I just couldn't sit here and watch.  Then they got in a limo and headed downtown Minneapolis, which is when I came home.  I watched part of the Social Network, got tired, and went to bed.  This was 11pm.
I slept good for a few hours.  I was then awoken by loudness.  It was 2am and they boys were home.  Obviously having to empty bladders upon entering my house, the upstairs hallway filled up.  Boyfriend came in to kiss me and close the door.  Bad idea, because my cat was sleeping on the bed with me and he doesn't much care for shut doors, so off the bed he jumps and over to the door he goes.  I have 2 options at this point: lay there and listen to him meow because he wants out or get up and open the door - I chose the latter.

You know how when you're awaken and your heart is beating faster than normal... does anyone else get that feeling ever?  That's how I'm feeling right now - shakey.  It's almost 4am now.

These boys are not quiet.  I understand and don't necessarily expect drunk boys to come home and whisper... but we do have a basement that would likely mask all sound from entering my room and my ears.  I knew this was going to happen, but I didn't want to go sleep somewhere else (and where?) just because boys are here.  Some respect would be nice, I guess.

Boyfriend is drunk and smells of Hot 100 (for those who don't know - he smells like Big Red gum with alcohol mixed in).

I just want to sleep.

I'm getting up tomorrow and going to breakfast with my friend, Rich.  I'm excited as I haven't seen him in a very long time.  I'm also excited to just get out of this house tomorrow and not have to deal with hungover smelly boys ALL OVER my house.

I'm having a really hard time with this right now because there are some people involved in this party that I don't know (I already have huge trust issues) and I've heard very bad stories about.  I don't want people getting out of hand and destroying everything in their path.

There is, what seems to be pretty constant, loud banging downstairs... not sure what that could be.  Our cupboards have these magic things on them so you absolutely cannot slam them (maybe a blog in itself for another time)... what else could cause that noise?    I have my fan on which drowns out the exact words, but not so much the yells and bangs and voices.

I think they are wrestling now.

I should go sleep in my car.

I'm frustrated.

Argh - I feel funky

Not sure what's going on with me but I'm feeling... funky.  You'd think with a move and all that things would be new, fresh, and exciting - to me those things usually equal happiness.  I'm not feeling it right now.

Lots of potential things could be causing my funky mood -
1. Maybe I'm home sick?  I feel like this can't be though.  In my opinion, if you have all your stuff with you (furniture, cat, etc.) and the only thing missing is a person (my mom)... I can't really be home sick; can I?  I've seen my mom at least once a week since moving and on Friday we were together all day.

2. Lack of routine?  For some stupid fucking reason, I need a routine - I dislike this about myself.  Why can't I just fucking go about my day and go with the flow?  I don't feel like Steve and I have a routine yet and, in all honesty, I don't know if we ever will.  I haven't mentioned it to him, so I'm just not sure how he lives.  We don't have a system for who empties the dishwasher when it's done, we don't have a plan for cooking and cleaning, we are still learning how each other is before we need to sit down and hash out how it's going to be.  I don't like that its because of my stupid need for structure.
On that same sort of topic - living with my mother for so long has had some obviously negative impact on me and the person I've become - which is exactly what I didn't want to happen.  I don't like shit laying around - during the move I tried to not care as much about this and I feel like I did a good job; obviously there was going to be shit everywhere until we got it put away.  So that's okay - I finally feel like we have space to live in.  However, there is still little things that I need to get over - it's driving me nuts to have mail/newspaper sitting all over the place; we need something for our mail.  Things sitting around, whether it's something Steve or myself have left; stuff is going to sit around and I need to figure out how to deal with that as it's not the end of the world.  I just don't know how to get there... not yet anyhow.  I like things clean and neat looking - I think to a fault.  I don't want to get to the point where I'm always cleaning things up just because I want things to look clean - but I have to figure out how to not let it bother me as well.

3. Alone time?  Obviously I love Steve and I love him enough to live with him.  I don't necessarily feel the desire to have time away from him, but I have lost my alone time and I need to figure out how to deal with that.  It used to be that Steve and I would go our separate ways at the end of the night and I'd still have my time to do ... whatever I wanted.  Again, and I cannot stress enough that I don't feel like I need to get away from him, I think I'm struggling with how best to deal with things being different than I'm used to - which I think is the entire point of this post.

I know I need to change the way I am to a certain degree - not only do I not know how to do that, but I'm struggling with what I need to change and what is okay to expect when living with another person.  Living with my mom my whole life, I've done what I wanted and how I wanted - if she didn't like something she'd change it or do it however she wanted.  I guess I've come to expect things a certain way.

4. There is also the fact that I need my eyebrows waxed and I always feel funky when they look funky.

5. OR this could all be a complete overreaction on my part and it could be one of the couple times a year I'm just in a funk...

boo.

Sorry for this woe is me post... all things considered - I have a roof over my head and I should just shut up and be happy with that.  It could be a lot worse.