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Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Argh - I feel funky

Not sure what's going on with me but I'm feeling... funky.  You'd think with a move and all that things would be new, fresh, and exciting - to me those things usually equal happiness.  I'm not feeling it right now.

Lots of potential things could be causing my funky mood -
1. Maybe I'm home sick?  I feel like this can't be though.  In my opinion, if you have all your stuff with you (furniture, cat, etc.) and the only thing missing is a person (my mom)... I can't really be home sick; can I?  I've seen my mom at least once a week since moving and on Friday we were together all day.

2. Lack of routine?  For some stupid fucking reason, I need a routine - I dislike this about myself.  Why can't I just fucking go about my day and go with the flow?  I don't feel like Steve and I have a routine yet and, in all honesty, I don't know if we ever will.  I haven't mentioned it to him, so I'm just not sure how he lives.  We don't have a system for who empties the dishwasher when it's done, we don't have a plan for cooking and cleaning, we are still learning how each other is before we need to sit down and hash out how it's going to be.  I don't like that its because of my stupid need for structure.
On that same sort of topic - living with my mother for so long has had some obviously negative impact on me and the person I've become - which is exactly what I didn't want to happen.  I don't like shit laying around - during the move I tried to not care as much about this and I feel like I did a good job; obviously there was going to be shit everywhere until we got it put away.  So that's okay - I finally feel like we have space to live in.  However, there is still little things that I need to get over - it's driving me nuts to have mail/newspaper sitting all over the place; we need something for our mail.  Things sitting around, whether it's something Steve or myself have left; stuff is going to sit around and I need to figure out how to deal with that as it's not the end of the world.  I just don't know how to get there... not yet anyhow.  I like things clean and neat looking - I think to a fault.  I don't want to get to the point where I'm always cleaning things up just because I want things to look clean - but I have to figure out how to not let it bother me as well.

3. Alone time?  Obviously I love Steve and I love him enough to live with him.  I don't necessarily feel the desire to have time away from him, but I have lost my alone time and I need to figure out how to deal with that.  It used to be that Steve and I would go our separate ways at the end of the night and I'd still have my time to do ... whatever I wanted.  Again, and I cannot stress enough that I don't feel like I need to get away from him, I think I'm struggling with how best to deal with things being different than I'm used to - which I think is the entire point of this post.

I know I need to change the way I am to a certain degree - not only do I not know how to do that, but I'm struggling with what I need to change and what is okay to expect when living with another person.  Living with my mom my whole life, I've done what I wanted and how I wanted - if she didn't like something she'd change it or do it however she wanted.  I guess I've come to expect things a certain way.

4. There is also the fact that I need my eyebrows waxed and I always feel funky when they look funky.

5. OR this could all be a complete overreaction on my part and it could be one of the couple times a year I'm just in a funk...


Sorry for this woe is me post... all things considered - I have a roof over my head and I should just shut up and be happy with that.  It could be a lot worse.


Krysten @ After 'I Do' said...

Well whether it's good or bad your life has been disrupted and so I would assume that's why you're feeling funky. Give it time and things should feel normal again.

As for alone time... we all need that. Even if you live with someone you need time to yourself as well. Just keep that in mind, it doesn't mean you love Steve any less.

gringationcancun said...

I hear ya!

My mom was obsessively neat, and I have somewhat inherited that from her. I can't stand having unneccessary things in the house... I throw out EVERYTHING, while Jorge loves to keep coupons, ads, etc. Definitely get a place for your mail(so it doesn't get lost) but stay patient about the rest.

I also miss alone time. I like to watch trashy reality shows by myself without anyone (Jorge) judging me haha Saturday afternoons I'll often have the house to myself... so I'll give myself a pedicure and watch Teen Mom marathons. :)

Dana Leigh said...

Everything you're experiencing is what I experienced when I moved in with M. You'll learn to figure things out for the best of both of you. I miss alone time too and when M does go away for a night there and there, I just stay home because I LOVE being alone again and having the house to myself. As far as cleaning and all that, it has been a source of many fights for us. Both sides have to compromise, whether it means that you have to be more lenient with your standards or Steve needs to pick up the slack more. Hopefully you can find balance and be patient. It can take time. M and I are still learning to live together in some aspects after almost 4 years.

Smart Ass Sara said...

Oh yeah, this is normal. It's HARD to live with people even if you know them. Everybody lives differently and it's going to be a while to get used to how they operate. You get to see the person 24/7.. how they REALLY are and it's a learning curve. That's why I think people should live together before you get married. Because I was engaged once before Matt and we broke up like a week after moving in together. It was clear we weren't compatible and he was really a freak. So yeah. It's an adjustment. :)

Kristi said...

Its all so new with living together, this is expected. Within a few months you guys will likely figure out all these little things and have a routine in place. Just because you live together doesn't mean you should necessarily spend all your time at home together too, its okay to do your own thing when you need/want.


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