Not sure what's going on with me but I'm feeling... funky. You'd think with a move and all that things would be new, fresh, and exciting - to me those things usually equal happiness. I'm not feeling it right now.
Lots of potential things could be causing my funky mood -
1. Maybe I'm home sick? I feel like this can't be though. In my opinion, if you have all your stuff with you (furniture, cat, etc.) and the only thing missing is a person (my mom)... I can't really be home sick; can I? I've seen my mom at least once a week since moving and on Friday we were together all day.
2. Lack of routine? For some stupid fucking reason, I need a routine - I dislike this about myself. Why can't I just fucking go about my day and go with the flow? I don't feel like Steve and I have a routine yet and, in all honesty, I don't know if we ever will. I haven't mentioned it to him, so I'm just not sure how he lives. We don't have a system for who empties the dishwasher when it's done, we don't have a plan for cooking and cleaning, we are still learning how each other is before we need to sit down and hash out how it's going to be. I don't like that its because of my stupid need for structure.
On that same sort of topic - living with my mother for so long has had some obviously negative impact on me and the person I've become - which is exactly what I didn't want to happen. I don't like shit laying around - during the move I tried to not care as much about this and I feel like I did a good job; obviously there was going to be shit everywhere until we got it put away. So that's okay - I finally feel like we have space to live in. However, there is still little things that I need to get over - it's driving me nuts to have mail/newspaper sitting all over the place; we need something for our mail. Things sitting around, whether it's something Steve or myself have left; stuff is going to sit around and I need to figure out how to deal with that as it's not the end of the world. I just don't know how to get there... not yet anyhow. I like things clean and neat looking - I think to a fault. I don't want to get to the point where I'm always cleaning things up just because I want things to look clean - but I have to figure out how to not let it bother me as well.
3. Alone time? Obviously I love Steve and I love him enough to live with him. I don't necessarily feel the desire to have time away from him, but I have lost my alone time and I need to figure out how to deal with that. It used to be that Steve and I would go our separate ways at the end of the night and I'd still have my time to do ... whatever I wanted. Again, and I cannot stress enough that I don't feel like I need to get away from him, I think I'm struggling with how best to deal with things being different than I'm used to - which I think is the entire point of this post.
I know I need to change the way I am to a certain degree - not only do I not know how to do that, but I'm struggling with what I need to change and what is okay to expect when living with another person. Living with my mom my whole life, I've done what I wanted and how I wanted - if she didn't like something she'd change it or do it however she wanted. I guess I've come to expect things a certain way.
4. There is also the fact that I need my eyebrows waxed and I always feel funky when they look funky.
5. OR this could all be a complete overreaction on my part and it could be one of the couple times a year I'm just in a funk...
Sorry for this woe is me post... all things considered - I have a roof over my head and I should just shut up and be happy with that. It could be a lot worse.