Thoughts for Tuesday...

For some reason I got to thinking about my past relationships last night in the shower... maybe it's because I was texting with an ex.

For the most part I've managed to end most of my relationships on good terms; no bad blood, no dirty laundry, and able to truly remain friends; we just understand that it's time for the relationship to be over on that level.  I have a few exes that I've remained in contact with and there are certain things I miss about the relationship, sure, but it's never enough for me to desire having that relationship back.

The reason I'm writing this is I got to thinking about my very last relationship before Steve... it would have been happening during my years of blogging... I don't think I wrote much about it or about the guy, but he entered my mind last night and I realized that I miss nothing about him or that relationship.  It dawned on me that it probably wasn't the best relationship to begin with if I didn't grieve over losing him .. I think I was sad for like a week, if even.  I think there are several factors that play into that; he lived in a different state being number one.  I was used to not having him around, so what's the difference now?  We just don't talk on the phone or email anymore.

It wasn't an abusive relationship, but I think him being older than me made him want to change me into someone sophisticated enough to be with him.  That isn't how I roll.  At the time, I thought I was in love, and maybe I was, so I went along with it and wore the clothes he wanted when we were together, or acted a certain way in a certain setting... overall, everything about that was not me.  I've never been one to confirm to anything .. for anyone!

Needless to say, I'm very happy that relationship has ended and he and I have exchanged hello's a few times over the years and he seems to be happy in his life, I'm very happy that he is.. what person doesn't deserve happiness, right?  It's probably the easiest end to a relationship I've ever been a part of... it's always sad to part ways, but when it's truly not meant to be, it's so much easier.

Anyhow... I'm not sure I have a point here, it's just something that felt good to acknowledge to myself and thought it was worth documenting.  It's hard to know it at the time, but usually things that come to an end do so for a valid reason.

Heaven has a new Angel

Gloria
1924-2015

I can't even begin to express in words how much this woman meant to me.  

My entire life I had a special relationship and bond with my Grandma.  It all started with my middle name... once I was old enough to understand that her and I share the same middle name I felt like she was my guardian angel, here on Earth.

I remember being little and spending a lot of time and my gma's place with my brother.  I guess my parents liked to go out and have a good time!  We'd spend New Year's Eve with her and she'd always buy those little champagne bottle poppers and I thought "Man, we must be so special to have these" as if we were the only kids to pop them at midnight.  Gma's place was always a magical one.  She was strict, but let us do a lot of fun things.  She'd serve us a half grapefruit in the morning, with a cherry in the middle... and it was up to us how much sugar we put on it!

We never lost this bond over the years.  Our family has always been close and we see each other often.  I remember being little and asking my dad "will Gma live until my golden birthday?"  My golden Birthday was my Sweet 16, so I wanted so badly for her to be there and be a part of it.  Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she always gave gold gifts on golden birthday's...

I don't remember what year it was that I started cleaning for my grandma, but her normal cleaning lady had quit and I was available and always looking to earn some extra money.  I cleaned her apartment for years... during these cleaning visits, we'd talk and talk and talk (mostly her telling me stories from the good old days), but it just solidified that we were soul mates.  I loved hearing those stories as many times as she wanted to tell them.  She loved having the company.  It worked great for the both of us.

In recent years her memory started to fade, and it was very sad to see, but through it all she knew the love I had in my heart for her.  She told me often how she could feel my love in every conversation, every hug, and every kiss.  I'm glad that my love conveyed so strongly to her.

________________________________________

Gma lived to be 90 years young.  When I say she lived... she really LIVED everyday.  I swear I've heard so many stories about all the things she did as a youngster... the good, bad and the ugly!

She lost her mother at a very young age and her father was hospitalized with TB (he passed when she was a teen) so was raised by her grandparents.  She often told me about how strict her grandma was, but how she learned so much from her.
I believe she was 17 when she went to The Glen Lake Sanatorium with a diagnosis of Tuberculosis.  She spent 5 years there and met my grandpa, who also had TB (My grandpas died on Mother's Day {5/14/1972} at age 49.  My Gma died on Mother's day {5/10/2015} at age 90).

She smoked for many years and quit, she drank (to excess) for many years and quit.  There was no reason her body should have made it to 90 years old other than her spirit wasn't ready to quit.

The one thing I always loved about my gma was her smile and positive outlook on life.  She was a gem on a daily basis.  Up until her last breath she never complained.

If I can live my life half as optimistically as she did, I know the world will be a better place.  My heart breaks knowing what I'll never get to say and do again, but I'm comforted by the fact that she's been reunited with those who've passed before her, including her sister, and by the fact that 90 years old is no small feat.  I truly feel she was ready to meet her maker.

So Gma, go off and fly with the angels... look down upon me and send love as often as you can.  I will miss your hugs, your triple kiss, your little giggle when I put my cold hands on your neck, your candy dish which always had my favorites as well as suckers for Steve.  I'll never forget your stories, your positive nature, and the way you used to go deep into character when you'd read me nursery rhymes as a child.  Thank you for all the love you given me, the lessons you've taught me, and the little ray of sunshine you brought into so many lives you've crossed along your journey.

I love you with my whole entire heart and I know you know this.  I will miss you terribly and remember you every day.  Please tell Elaine, Gary, Donna, Betty, Bill, and Gpa that I say hello and love them all.

Day 17 of Birth Month

After I got diamonds yesterday, Steve brought home sushi for lunch:

Onto the night:
I survived!
Today has been mildly rough... not sure if I drank too much or if I didn't get enough sleep.  Both, probably.  Steve and I went to bed at 4am, and woke up at 8am.  I didn't feel that drunk last night, but I didn't feel good when I woke up!

Before I throw in all the photos from the night, I just want to talk about how blessed I feel.  Even though I didn't feel great today, I did have a minor moment of tears with Steve.  Not because I was sad; they were happy tears.  I've never felt so happy in my life - I'm not sure how I got to be so lucky.  Last night was simply amazing - my closest friends and family were with me, Steve was a fabulous help setting up and cleaning up, I had a wonderful (simply wonderful) night.  I just feel so happy.  Not a bad way to enter my 30's, eh?

All the people who said they would come, came.  My brother even showed up after he got off work!

I wanted to do this to my hair - but I couldn't for the life of me make it work.  I cut my finger yesterday on the blade of our food processor, so I'm blaming it on that.

Source: weibo.com via Angela on Pinterest

The photos are a bit blurry, we had pretty dim lighting around the house and flashes get to be obnoxious.  So, just deal with it, blurry photos are an accurate representation of the night after a certain point :)

The little cake my mom got for me - my favorite colors; Orange, Green, Pink

My bestie, Pam and I

me and the boy :)

New parents, Pam and Nick

Abbie and I have been friends as long as Pam and I, since 5th grade

Abbie and Nick 

Erin and I, in our pose - she's my beast

Story time

I really wanted to do it, but I knew someone would smash my face in it!

Pam and I again

I love photos like this - I love real laughs captured

:) my girls

with my cousins

They all sang Happy Birthday to me, and I guess I was embarrassed 

Ang, Amanda, Pam, and Abbie - friends for 18 years

I love this man

Our men in ties <3

Tomorrow we're going up to my dad's to eat prime rib and lobster tails!

Day 16 - Happy birthday to ME!

Go ahead, sing it!!

It's my birthday bitches!  I'm 30!

Last night, as I mention, I went to dinner with Kristi, Dana, and Heather - it was a fantastic time!  We ended up spending 2.5 hours at the restaurant.  Dana, the sweetheart she is, got me a bottle of wine, "cheap wine" as she calls it, I've yet to try it, but I love a good bang for your buck bottle of vino!

So who's DYING to know what the gift from Steve was?  Well, I'm not going to tell you.  HA!



Chill people.  I'm kidding.  I'm 30 now you know, I'm a whole new kind of funny!  I have a lot to do today before the party tonight.  I spent probably 20 minutes trying to get a picture of my gift, but as it turns out diamonds are hard to photograph, especially with it's not great outdoor light coming in and the lights inside are just kind of meh.  Oh wait... what?!  Diamonds?!?!???!!!!!  Yep, I said it - diamonds, 2 of them :)

Yeah - it's hard to get pictures of diamonds, but it was worth the effort ;)

Best birthday ever?  You betcha!

Now, I'm off to get shit ready for tonight!

Pictures tomorrow!!