The older I get the more I realize the my memory isn't what it used to be.
I've been going through pictures for days and remembering so much about my life, not just memories of Davina. It's amazing the life I've lived. I'm truly lucky to have had the amazing adventures I have!
I think I'm grieving properly...
I'm talking about it. It sucks to talk to people who didn't know her, because there is no way you can describe her amazing attitude towards life, the fact that she was always happy and smiling, and how positive she really was.
I'm crying when I need to and smiling when it's appropriate. In all honesty... I have so many great memories of my time with Davina, I've been smiling and laughing a lot lately (to myself)!
I'm having guilty feelings of not seeing her enough in recent years. I know it's not my fault and people grow apart... still feel guilty though.
I want to write on her facebook wall daily and let her know that I'm thinking about her. When will the time come when I can go just one day without thinking about her?
One thing I struggle with... what to say when people say they are sorry for my loss. I know I've lost a friend and it sucks, so I know people are going to sympathize and empathize with my pain. I just don't feel like saying "Thank you" is the right response; is it? It doesn't seem thankful enough to me.
The funeral service is tomorrow (Thursday) and parts of me are looking forward to it while parts of me are dreading it. My friend told me that it will help me feel not so alone. To be able to surround myself with people who can relate, people who have their own stories, and to celebrate her life together; he's a smart boy! I'm not sure how to get through it.. but I'm going to give it my all and hope that I come out of it feeling amazing and light; like I've sent her to heaven in my mind and she can now truly rest in peace.
I feel like, being I hadn't seen Davina in years, I should feel this upset about it. Maybe that just means she, in fact, did have a huge impact on my life?
Sorry that I'm kind of all across the board with my thoughts today... just typing as it hits me.