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Wednesday, January 19, 2011


I had a dream last night... a bad dream.  Not so much a nightmare in that it didn't have monsters or I didn't wake up scared - but a bad dream meaning it was something I didn't want to think about.  Something that made me feel uncomfortable.  Something I left in the past.  It was about an ex.

I suppose with all the big changes coming in mine and Steve's relationship, it could be normal?  By no stretch of the imagination do I still want to be in a relationship with that person - as a matter of fact - I can't believe I ever did.  I seriously thought that I wanted to marry that guy - and maybe people change - so maybe he was who I thought he was at the time?  Most likely not.   Our relationship was destined to end; have you ever read that one poem type thing: Reason, Season, or Lifetime - it's about how some people come into your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime - you learn and grow from them, whatever, thats the point of it.  I'm convinced this person was there for a reason - I did learn a lot in the relationship, so I have that, but it would have never worked.

It was a long distance relationship too, so why the fuck I thought that could work is beyond me.  Why should I move to be with a guy - just because you have a job, doesn't mean I'm the one that should move; I have a job too.  
That is one thing I cherish daily about the relationship I have with Steve; I get to see him everyday, if I want.  I often times sit and wait for him to come pick me up and can't help but think to myself I'm so lucky he lives so close to me.  I can plan things with him and not have to worry about flights or taking time off work.  We can drive 2 hours to Duluth just for a malt or we can lounge on the couch and watch a movie - any.time.we.want.  I love it; I love him.

I digress; the dream, it really had me all fucked up this morning.  I don't necessarily believe that people's dreams mean something but I can't help but wonder why the hell it happened.  Kind of like if you have a dream that you killed your parents, you would most likely wonder why you had that dream, right?  Don't worry I don't dream shit like that, I'm just sayin'.

It just made me feel all icky and my blog is a place I can get rid of icky.  So there you go.


Busy Mother of 3 said...

Ick on the dream. On a brighter note,I am so happy your are so happy now. I have never had the honor of meeting Steve, but I like him simply because of how happy you are with him.
Enjoy your trip!!! I cannot wait to see the pics!

Krysten @ After 'I Do' said...

Been there... I'll have dreams about people and it'll leave me in a funk all day. I'd chalk it up to the changes you and Steve are going through and leave it like that.

Just the way you talk about Steve it sounds like you two have a really amazing relationship. Those are hard to come by!

Anonymous said...

Don't worry, I've dreamed about exes before. Never take dreams at face value. Usually the person you dream about actually represents YOU.

I hear ya on long distance... I've done it a few times, and my advice is to never get into one. There are many fish in the sea, and you're just as likely to find another great guy where you live.

Glad you and Steve are doing great!

JerseySjov said...

dreams are so strange...i've had my share of bad ones and i totally understand that sickish feeling you get the day after!


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