I had a dream last night... a bad dream. Not so much a nightmare in that it didn't have monsters or I didn't wake up scared - but a bad dream meaning it was something I didn't want to think about. Something that made me feel uncomfortable. Something I left in the past. It was about an ex.
I suppose with all the big changes coming in mine and Steve's relationship, it could be normal? By no stretch of the imagination do I still want to be in a relationship with that person - as a matter of fact - I can't believe I ever did. I seriously thought that I wanted to marry that guy - and maybe people change - so maybe he was who I thought he was at the time? Most likely not. Our relationship was destined to end; have you ever read that one poem type thing: Reason, Season, or Lifetime - it's about how some people come into your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime - you learn and grow from them, whatever, thats the point of it. I'm convinced this person was there for a reason - I did learn a lot in the relationship, so I have that, but it would have never worked.
It was a long distance relationship too, so why the fuck I thought that could work is beyond me. Why should I move to be with a guy - just because you have a job, doesn't mean I'm the one that should move; I have a job too.
That is one thing I cherish daily about the relationship I have with Steve; I get to see him everyday, if I want. I often times sit and wait for him to come pick me up and can't help but think to myself I'm so lucky he lives so close to me. I can plan things with him and not have to worry about flights or taking time off work. We can drive 2 hours to Duluth just for a malt or we can lounge on the couch and watch a movie - any.time.we.want. I love it; I love him.
I digress; the dream, it really had me all fucked up this morning. I don't necessarily believe that people's dreams mean something but I can't help but wonder why the hell it happened. Kind of like if you have a dream that you killed your parents, you would most likely wonder why you had that dream, right? Don't worry I don't dream shit like that, I'm just sayin'.
It just made me feel all icky and my blog is a place I can get rid of icky. So there you go.