Forgiveness

Some of you know I have this situation with my father.  I'm going to his house on Sunday, for the first time since I found out some very interesting news, which was a year ago this December 16th, I haven't stayed away because of my dad but his wife.

The topic of this blog is not so much family or the situation itself (which, if you don't already know, please forgive me for not going into detail with it right now), but forgiveness.  This specific situation has caused me to ask one of life's biggest questions: How do you truly forgive someone?  From what I understand, forgiving doesn't mean forgetting.  Great, easy enough.  I don't have to forget.. but how do I begin the forgiving?  This would be a great TFT.

I don't even know where to begin.  I am a person that generally speaks with emotion, causing me to not necessarily think before I speak.  From as far back as I can remember I have always lived believing that once my trust is broken, someone must prove they are worthy of being trusted again.  How can you truly move on, not forgetting, to successfully forgive.  When you know someone has wronged and you are personally affected by it and can't seem to move past it... it makes it extremely difficult.  Even if I knew in my heart that I was open to 100% completely trying to forgive, I would have no idea where to begin.  

I was told that one way of knowing you have forgiven someone is if you have no ill feeling towards them.  I think that is a great beginning and a sure sign that time has begun to heal, I don't believe that it means you have truly forgiven.  

The other thing I am struggling with at this moment is the difference between forgiving and accepting.  For example, when my dad left and decided to divorce my mom I was angry and full of hate.  I wasn't ready to even begin to forgive; I got to a certain point where, if I wanted to have my dad in my life ever again, I had to at least accept the situation for what it was and just kind of 'suck it up'.  I don't think that necessarily means I have (or had) forgiven him, but I think acceptance comes with time, eventually leading to forgiveness.  Sound right?

Speaking specifically of the situation now, she doesn't know everything that I've been told.  So, in turn, is it really her fault that I can't forgive her?  Doesn't healing come with openly being able to express how you are feeling (which, for me is something I need to do quite often, in any situation)?  So my support system has become my dad, who is quite defensive of the entire situation, my sister-in-law, who feels the same as me and means forgiveness probably won't come out of talking to her, and my mother, who has her own fucked up outlook on everything and drives me up the wall whenever I attempt to talk about it.  

Last, do I even want to forgive her to begin with?  I think the only way to figure that out is to bring the situation to a head and hear what she has to say.

Follow up to that is: How do I bring this up without putting my dad in a situation he doesn't want to be in?

I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, I just needed to try and get some thoughts out.