I've kind of been dreading this day... don't get me wrong, I love my parents, but my mind is instantly drawn to negative and past hurt. It makes me all weird feeling inside. I know I won't be able to get through this without tearing up.
My parents are divorced, so I'm going to write them each a letter, separately.
Father -
I love you; sometimes there is nothing more to be said. I have completely forgiven you, which is something I never thought I'd be able to say; it feels really good. I don't know if I understand completely, and maybe I'm not supposed to, but I feel like I have a small understanding. Maybe we should talk again, now that I've had time to heal.
Sometimes I wish that you hadn't left and moved away, but I also try to realize that I'm probably a better person for it - you would have continued to give me everything I wanted and I probably would have never learned how to do things on my own :). Your happiness is most important and I know that it had nothing to do with how you felt about me, or Jason.
You've helped raise me into an amazing person and I have such wonderful memories of you growing up. I feel like we continue to make those memories, me as an adult and you as an old man.
Thank you for being a wonderful father to me, thank you for keeping my secrets and thank you for never giving up and always knowing what is best for me, even when I may not.
Simply put, father, I love you and I know you love me too. :-)
Mother -
I wish I understood why I have such a hard time with you. I wish that I could accept you for the person that you are; you aren't who you used to be. I think change is good and I know you've been through a lot, but in all honesty; could it all have been avoided? I hate you for dragging me into the things you've done, I hate that you made me a part of that. I was young and didn't know any better, but you did. I like to pretend that it doesn't bother me and it's not like I think about it every time I look at you, but deep down, I do think about it. You should have protected me from those things - YOU are the mother.
I want to have a relationship with you like a lot of girls have with their mothers, I just feel like we are completely different people and it makes it hard.
You are a smart person, you need to believe in yourself and apply yourself. I feel like you have low self-esteem and there is no reason for that. Stop, take a breath, listen to people around you, and you'll be better because of it. You can do things on your own aside from going to the movies.
On the upside, mom, you have been wonderful to me and I'm sorry that I'm such a bitch to you. I really don't want to be; I get frustrated. You're open and honest and, like me, you love with your whole heart; that is rare these days. I hope that we can be better friends when the day comes that I no longer live with you, maybe the distance will be good for us. I do love you, you are my mother. I hope that you find true happiness in your life, you do deserve that.
3 comments:
I am feeling teary eyed and they're not even my parents. Thanks for sharing this with us Ang.
Wow, very deep and complex! I hope you can forge a better relationship with your mom. :) My guess is that living together intensifies things.
Thanks for sharing, Ang.
I have some feelings about my mom too that I deal with. It's nice that you can be honest on your blog. Sometimes I hold things back on my blog because of my audience.
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