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Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Day 24 of 30

Day 24- A letter to your parents
I've kind of been dreading this day... don't get me wrong, I love my parents, but my mind is instantly drawn to negative and past hurt.  It makes me all weird feeling inside.  I know I won't be able to get through this without tearing up.
My parents are divorced, so I'm going to write them each a letter, separately.

Father -
I love you; sometimes there is nothing more to be said.  I have completely forgiven you, which is something I never thought I'd be able to say; it feels really good.  I don't know if I understand completely, and maybe I'm not supposed to, but I feel like I have a small understanding.  Maybe we should talk again, now that I've had time to heal.
Sometimes I wish that you hadn't left and moved away, but I also try to realize that I'm probably a better person for it - you would have continued to give me everything I wanted and I probably would have never learned how to do things on my own :).  Your happiness is most important and I know that it had nothing to do with how you felt about me, or Jason.
You've helped raise me into an amazing person and I have such wonderful memories of you growing up.  I feel like we continue to make those memories, me as an adult and you as an old man.

Thank you for being a wonderful father to me, thank you for keeping my secrets and thank you for never giving up and always knowing what is best for me, even when I may not.
Simply put, father, I love you and I know you love me too. :-)

Mother -
I wish I understood why I have such a hard time with you.  I wish that I could accept you for the person that you are; you aren't who you used to be.  I think change is good and I know you've been through a lot, but in all honesty; could it all have been avoided?  I hate you for dragging me into the things you've done, I hate that you made me a part of that.  I was young and didn't know any better, but you did.  I like to pretend that it doesn't bother me and it's not like I think about it every time I look at you, but deep down, I do think about it.  You should have protected me from those things - YOU are the mother.
I want to have a relationship with you like a lot of girls have with their mothers, I just feel like we are completely different people and it makes it hard.
You are a smart person, you need to believe in yourself and apply yourself.  I feel like you have low self-esteem and there is no reason for that.  Stop, take a breath, listen to people around you, and you'll be better because of it.  You can do things on your own aside from going to the movies.

On the upside, mom, you have been wonderful to me and I'm sorry that I'm such a bitch to you.  I really don't want to be; I get frustrated.  You're open and honest and, like me, you love with your whole heart; that is rare these days.  I hope that we can be better friends when the day comes that I no longer live with you, maybe the distance will be good for us.  I do love you, you are my mother.  I hope that you find true happiness in your life, you do deserve that.

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 10 interesting facts about yourself Day 02- The meaning behind your Blog name Day 03- A picture of you and your friends Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to Day 06- Favorite super hero and why Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently Day 14- A picture of you and your family Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play Day 16- Another picture of yourself Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else Day 23- Something you crave for a lot Day 24- A letter to your parents Day 25- What I would find in your bag Day 26- What you think about your friends Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then? Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned Day 30- Your favorite song


Krysten @ After 'I Do' said...

I am feeling teary eyed and they're not even my parents. Thanks for sharing this with us Ang.

gringationcancun said...

Wow, very deep and complex! I hope you can forge a better relationship with your mom. :) My guess is that living together intensifies things.

Thanks for sharing, Ang.

Dana Leigh said...

I have some feelings about my mom too that I deal with. It's nice that you can be honest on your blog. Sometimes I hold things back on my blog because of my audience.


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