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Friday, July 24, 2009

The Cigarette in My Life... or NOT.

I started smoking when I was somewhere around... 7th grade.  Horrible, huh?  My dad started smoking when he was in 3rd grade... who does that?!  I've always considered myself a smoker, even during the times I didn't smoke.  There has never been a time in my life when I've been 'quit' where I didn't smoke once in awhile.  I've been an official non-smoker since November of 2004 - at least by my definition.  By my definition if I don't buy and smoke cigarettes regularly (daily), I'm a non-smoker.  I would have one here and there, mainly when I'd have a beer or two, but I'd never buy them and usually regret it the next morning.  When the smoking ban went into effect, it was great for me... sitting in a bar having a beer without a cloud of smoke over my head was just the thing I needed to not crave a cigarette.  Then summer would come and patios provided the opportunity for me to have the desire again.

It was a never ending battle for me, but nothing I was ever worried about as the most I'd ever have was one or two.  I entered a time in my life of great stress and turned to cigarettes to get me through.  I told absolutely no one, I bought a pack, I smoked them alone.  It dawned on me what I was doing and new I needed to quit ASAP - I tossed out the rest of the pack... all in all it was a horrible decision that lasted just a few days.  We all make mistakes and hopefully we learn from them; I try hard to live my life without regret.

I'm okay with smoking every now and again, if it is in fact just one or two - like I said above, I've always considered myself a smoker... I truly believe it's who I am, even if I'm not buying and smoking daily.

I've had a lot of people asking me lately if I want to smoke... well, maybe not a lot of people, but... well, for example, my weekend up north with my cousins - people all over were smoking and offering them to me as well - I turned my head at them every time; not something I generally do when I'm drinking.  I was so proud of myself when I woke up on Sunday morning and could say that I came out of 2 nights of heavy drinking without touching a cigarette!  Not even a drag.

I've seen a lot of people smoking on TV lately and it's making me think about it a lot more.  I'm not worried about starting again; I only do it when I'm drinking or stressed.  I just know that it's an ongoing battle... one that I have to be strong about and one that I've decided to finally blog about.
I'm extremely proud of myself for making it through the weekend without smoking... matter of fact, I can't remember the last time I did.  That's something worth writing about!!

Hope everyone has/had a great weekend - depending on when you read this ;)

3 comments:

Dana Leigh said...

Good for you, Ang and not smoking the entire weekend, despite the temptation. Maybe when you are in these situations again you can refer back to this weekend and know that you have already gone without a cig even in the times when you desire them and that may give you more desire to not do it. Either way, I'm glad you don't smoke as a complete habit.

Kristi said...

I can't recall ever seeing you smoke a cig....which is a good thing... They're gross and gonna give ya dog breath! LOL. This month marks 9 years tobacco free for me...not even one drag

Kristi said...

I can't recall ever seeing you smoke a cig....which is a good thing... They're gross and gonna give ya dog breath! LOL. This month marks 9 years tobacco free for me...not even one drag

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