I'm not happy in my own skin. I love my life and, overall, I'm happy. I'm just not comfortable. I don't like the way I look anymore - I don't like having to buy new clothes because my old ones don't fit anymore. I haven't been to the gym on a regular basis in a few years now, and I need to do something to change that.
I hated being in my bikini in Hawaii because I felt like a beached whale.
I am going to be in a wedding at the end of April (Shannon's), I'm going to NYC in May, I'm going to be in another wedding at the end of June (Pam's), and I'm going to Chicago in July. At some point, hopefully within the next year, Steve and I are going to be using our free plane tickets to hit up a tropical beach... I don't want the same feeling for all of these things as I had in Hawaii.
I can't explain why it's so easy for me to hate the way I look and then drive right past the gym on my way home from work every day. In the past 3 weeks, I've been to the gym 4 times. I know that is not a lot, but it is something. Something is better than nothing and hopefully it's the beginning of lots more visits to come.
I'm not sure how else to motivate myself to do something.
Yesterday my friend Abbie emailed our little dinner group of girls and asked if we can do weekly weigh-in's with each other. I JUMPED at the chance. While I'm a firm believer in the number on a scale not meaning shit unless you feel different and your clothes fit different... I will do it to make myself accountable. This group of girls are all a part of the June wedding (bride included), so it's a perfect excuse. I'm a huge fan of competition, so I'm hoping that looking at it as I'm going to lose more weight than these bitches this week I'll be more successful. On top of that, if I can get in the habit of the gym by then, hopefully I can stick with it even after we've met our deadline.
Our first weigh-in was this morning (apparently we weight less when we wake up? who knows). Frankly I'm embarrassed to share my weight with you, so I'm not going to. I'm keeping a spreadsheet in my gDocs so I can report weight lost each week. The girls and I have decided to not share our weights, but to report that we've weighed-in and then next Friday we'll report what we've lost.
If you're still checking in and reading here, help me be accountable! My plan is to report here each week as well... I'll never share my weight with you, but I will tell you how many times I've been to the gym and I will tell you how much I've lost.
While I do plan to adjust my diet as well, for now, the gym is my main focus - once I can get back to that I'll start focusing on eating habits. I'm trying to get in the frame of mind that I need to eat less... so I'll just start there.
One step at a time and I know I can do this.
Blah - I need help though, so hopefully this will be the help I need! Wish me luck!