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Thursday, May 21, 2015

I Feel Stuck

I know that some people are still subscribed to my blog, but not nearly as many people are reading it as what used to.  I'm so okay with this.  I like the idea of having my blog back to the simple days.  I like being able to write and not have a ton of people reading or feeling like I have to produce some epic post to get blog hits.

Somewhere along the line I lost my blog to my readers.

I'll be honest, I don't read any blogs anymore - I may happen across one or two from time to time and scroll a page or two in, but I just don't have the desire for the 'community' aspect of it anymore.

This, however, is not what I wished to write about when I first opened this new post.


I feel stuck in a rut.  I get in these from time to time and I always get out... but I feel like it's been a LONG time since I've been here.

I've been trying to lose weight for a few months and I was doing a good job for the most part - not dropping too much, but enough to notice a difference.  I've been counting my calories and trying to workout more.
I feel like I've been doing some serious emotional eating the past 1-2 weeks and, while I've tried to make good decisions of what I put in my body, I'm eating more calories than I should be.
I might chalk some of this up to my monthly visitor, but overall, I know what I'm doing is within my own power to stop.

The other thing is that I'm not sleeping well as of late.  It's been a pretty emotional couple of weeks for me with my Gma's passing... for some reason I just can't get to bed at a decent time and when I do, I simply don't sleep well.  Today at work, before I even had my first cup of coffee, someone said to me "You look tired today"... real nice.  I've felt tired all week and it's just made me super crabby.  I feel like I have no real interest in seeing or spending time with people... I don't want to be crabby towards others.  I just want to be a hermit... curled up in a ball in the corner somewhere.  Sadly, every day this week I've thought long and hard about having a cigarette; I haven't smoked since 2009.

To top it all off I can't wrap my head around the fact that my gma is gone.  Some moments I want to bawl, other moments I want to be around as many people as possible, and sometimes I just want to run away and be alone.  More than anything I just want to cry... but I don't because I feel like I need to be strong.

Maybe this is grieving?


Dawn said...

Yep....that's what it is. Waves of emotions....all at different times....that come out of no where. Could be a MIX of grief and hormones.

I don't know if you're looking for I'll keep my mouth shut. You know where to find me if you want it :-) I'm around any time.


Sara Strand said...

That's totally grieving. Just give yourself permission to not be as strong as you think you need to be. Because you need to get through all of the stages of grief, as unpleasant as that is. Big hugs!

KimBerly said...

I decided to started blogging abgaiagain. Thought I would stop by and say hello. I'm sorry about your grandma.n


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