just cause...

It's not often that I blog twice in a day, but all of the sudden I'm feeling out of control.

I want to get my message across but don't want to be that girl and freak out about this stuff. Forgive me if it doesn't make sense. I'm writing in hopes to calm myself down.
There has been this situation lately... one that I've grown emotionally invested in. It's becoming painfully clear to me that I shouldn't have invested any emotion in it at all. I don't understand why. Communication is simple... guess not for everyone. I'm done.


THEN... after I've been dealing with this for a few days, I come to find out that a friend of mine has chosen to associate himself with people who have hurt and betrayed him in the past.
I know one person reading this will know exactly who I am talking about.
Fucking myspace... I actually check out my friends profiles every once in awhile - I go to one tonight, to see what, if anything, is new, and maybe leave a comment saying hi. Unfortunately for me I read another comment and feel the need to do some investigating. Come to find out not only is he associating with these people, he is back with them on the regular?!
I understand history, I understand forgiving and forgetting, I even understand the benefit of the doubt... but I was there for the entire depression he suffered because of these people. Our (at the time) new friendship couldn't develop as it should have because of what he was going through.
I'm all for people making decisions for themselves, and who am I to tell someone how to live their life? Especially when we aren't even that close anymore...
I'm scared for him. I don't want it to happen again, not to him.
I guess I'm also pissed that I had to find the news via myspace and not him.

I'm not a fan and, friend or not, I don't think I can be.

Random - Vol. 8.13

Is it possible to write a 'quick blog'? That's my goal.

First and foremost, I forgot my phone at home today. I meet Jayne in the parking lot of my gym on days we ride together... she was running behind this morning, so I thought better pull out my phone in case she tries calling, only to search my entire purse and find nothing! Panic instantly set in...
I'm going to clean my grandmas appt tonight after work... and I'm still debating if I need to stop home and get it before I go, or if I can make it a whole 14 hours without my phone.
This is going to be interesting. ... makes me feel pretty lame.

Jayne and I stopped at Sonic this morning for breakfast, that helped me forget about the phone thing for about 20 minutes. Nothing like a HUGE Cherry Limeade to get you going in the am!

Work is getting nuts-o crazy... ugh!

I started watching the series Weeds last night, from Season 1 by way of Netflix. I'm uber curious to know if anyone out there has watched this show. I think I got 2.5 episodes under my belt and I'm pretty sure I'm going to love it! It is so up my alley and honestly makes me drool :)
I'll be writing more about this show if I continue to watch it, which I'm sure I will.

Is everyone looking forward to the long weekend?  Big plans?!

There were a few other things I wanted to touch on this morning... but I can't remember them.
I'll leave you with this:

This is a picture of me from Jen's wedding - I found it tagged on facebook this morning. Curious what I'm doing?

I am painting toenails!

Michelle's toes looked ghetto, so she had the polish and I offered to hook her up - what a friend :) Do you know anyone who would paint your toenails outside at a wedding reception (besides me)? I also painted Amanda's toenails outside of my car before we went in....

BTW- for those working with me on this change from myspace blogging - I wanted to let you know, you can click on any of the pictures in my blogs and it will blow them up super big for you {in case you have bad eyes ;)}

Hey Jealousy

jeal·ous [jel-uhs] –adjective

1. feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages (often fol. by of): He was jealous of his rich brother.

2. feeling resentment because of another's success, advantage, etc. (often fol. by of): He was jealous of his brother's wealth.

3. characterized by or proceeding from suspicious fears or envious resentment: a jealous rage; jealous intrigues.

4. inclined to or troubled by suspicions or fears of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims: a jealous husband.

I've always know myself to be a jealous person.  The older I get and the more I learn about life and those pesky life lessons, the more I think I need to figure out how to overcome my jealousy.  I'm aware that it's there... and I think that is the first step. 

I've been battling with this for a long time, always with the intent of changing.

 

Today I was overwhelmed by this feeling... I was on Facebook looking through the "People You Might Know" feature (which is where Facebook points out people that are friends with your friends or went to the same school as you, etc. that you may know; it's actually a pretty handy feature), I came across a name I remembered from a long time ago.

A female, someone who used to be close to a guy I was dating... I was always jealous of their relationship (even thought he assured me it was strictly a friendship), it just never sat right with me.  I've always hated her, because of that.

I looked at her profile, and noticed she is engaged.  I'm not even close to being with this guy anymore, we are still friends, but that is where it ends... I found myself still having these feelings of jealousy!  She is getting married, I'm not in a relationship with him... so what the hell is the matter with me?

 

I think I've come a long way in getting over the jealousy thing, in all aspects of my life.  I used to be a lot worse... now, I am at least (mostly) able to hide it.

There are tons of websites out there that offer ways to get over jealousy.  I'm not sure reading a website will help though... I think it's just one of those things you have to realize and make small steps with time.  That's my plan at least... small steps with time. 

 

Growing up is such an interesting experience!

Conquering Fears One STEP at a Time...

This weekend I went up to McGregor, MN to a cabin. The Johnson's cabin... let me give you a brief back story on how I know these people; Tom and Nancy Johnson used to live across the street from us when we live NE Mpls. They have 4 boys: Tony, Nick, Mark, and Jeff. Nick went to school with my brother and Mark went to school with me. One of my best girlfriends, Pam, has dated Nick for ... ... a lot of years and Mark and I are good buddies.
So... the plan for the cabin was to be Tom, Nancy, Nick, Mark, Pam, and myself. Nick and Pam went up Thursday afternoon, and Mark came to pick me up Thursday evening.

I went into the weekend assuming it was going to be a drunk wild blur... but it was one of the most relaxing weekends I've had in a long time! We really didn't do much all weekend, but there are some pictures I would like to share and a story worth remembering.

Pam had told me about this Ranger Tower that we could climb... I had no idea what that meant, but I figured I could muster up the courage to do it. For those that don't know, I have a semi-large fear of heights. It's the looking down thing that gets me... not so much looking out. In my years I have branched out and tried to overcome it; mind over matter (MOM) is what I always say. I've been up in the Sears Tower (Chicago), Hancock Center (Chicago), Top of the Stratosphere (Las Vegas), Top of The Rock (NYC), and on top of all that I have been skydiving! After it all, I still lose myself when I'm faced with the uncomfortable situation, though I always fully embrace it.

As we are driving to said Ranger Tower I have no idea what to expect... we park, we walk a little bit up some stairs and finally I see it...

YIKES!

So, there are several stairs... and some platforms... I decided to take a picture of Mark and myself before the hike up... just in case we didn't make it back down

After we start to walk the stairs ... it gets windier the higher up we get... and the whole thing starts to shake. This is a ballsy mission I'm on. I finally make it up to the top. Proof:

notice the death grip on my purse?

A few more shots from atop:

The Lake we were staying on (Lake Minnewawa)

Group Shot from atop

A couple looking down...

So... walking back down was the hardest part... my legs were shaking so bad I felt like I had tripled my workout in a matter of 5 minutes. UGH! Not fun. I did it though... and that's the point.

A few more pics from the weekend:

The pop-up trailer Pam and I slept in.

The small little motor-bike that ruined my nap

Casey painting my nails... cause everyone else was so crabby!

Casually cock-tailing...

Notice how in most of these pictures I am wearing my hoodie? We didn't have the best weather over the weekend, so cold in fact that we turned on the heat in the trailer, so most of our time was spent indoors or at least in my hoodie.

I'll be posting a few more pictures on myspace, if you are interested.

I had an awesome weekend. It's always nice to get away and enjoy the great outdoors. There is something about being able to wake up and take your morning coffee out on the deck and lose yourself in the beauty of the water and nature as a whole.

That's all I have to say for tonight... hope you enjoyed :)

Migraine Wars; I have yet to win.

I don't really have a whole lot to say today.

I want to write about my migraine this weekend, just so I can have some sort of blog history of these stupid things.
It started on Thursday night, I was at home working on a banner for this blog and burning CDs. All of the sudden my vision started to go blurry in my right eye, I was instantly flashed back to last June when I had my first migraine. I knew what was coming next. So as I still can't fully see out of that eye, my right arm starts to go numb, from my fingertips and slowly working upwards. Then, right side of my face goes numb, including my tongue (which was a flash back of the dentist the other week). Anyhow, I never got the full blown migraine headache, but my head was very sore all of the sudden. I woke up Friday morning and felt just ok... very groggy but ok. Then I learned as my day went on that coughing, laughing, sneezing, and bending over all hurt like a mo-fo. Those are pretty typical things for me the day after a migraine, my head always gets extra sore the next day. Anyhow, I had dinner plans on Friday and I didn't really want to be dealing with this, so I decided a nap was in order (which ended up being 2 hours) and as I got ready I decided I need to take some of my medication, so that my night should not have any problems. As it turns out I should have read the bottle before I took those pills and went cock-tailing - I was wasted from an amount of alcohol that normally would barely give me a buzz, and I mean WASTED!
I probably should have made it a point to get some good sleep that night, but the other option was just too much fun to pass up, so I ended up getting roughly about 4.5 hours of sleep. I woke up with a throbbing head, wasn't sure if it was from the alcohol or the migraine still.
My weekend was very full and I really couldn't and didn't want to bail on any of my plans, so I got moving on Saturday after relaxing a little bit in the morning. I made my way down NE to meet up with DP for the Twins game, head feeling pretty alright. As we are sitting at the game, I decided beer was just not an option, and mid-way through the game my head starts to hurt again. At this point I'm pretty sick of this stupid head crap, but I suck it up and deal with it (I had no medication with me because I don't bring my purse to games). It fades in and out the rest of the game.
After the game I had to meet up with the girls for our night out, so I hook up with Pam first, and we get ready together... I took some meds while getting ready and decided not to have more than a couple beers that night. While I was waiting for the meds to kick in I started to feel a bit of nausea, like I could puke but I was pretty sure I wasn't going to. That night turned out to be a horrible night for other reasons, but my head felt fine and I didn't get wasted!
I woke up Sunday feeling good, I slept until noon, which I never do anymore. I figure it was from lack of sleep the night before and these damn headaches are super mentally exhausting. I actually felt great all day Sunday, so I thought it was over.

I woke up today and was unbelievably tired, I'm sure from the entire weekend and not getting to bed on time last night, but my head didn't hurt. I figured another day without headache was a great sign... until this afternoon rolled around. It could be from lack of sleep, but I have the nausea back, so I'm thinking it's more than that. I had my hair up this morning and I've found during these headaches that having it up makes my head hurt more, so I took it down but it's not helping all that much.

I have plans to go to the Twins game tonight and I have no intention of bailing, though it would be smart to pass it up. It also means another night of less sleep than I am used to. All in all, I am not looking forward to my tomorrow and I have to be smart tomorrow :(


Very strange, it seems like all of these migraines have been quite different for me. First was full blown (blind spots, numbness, horrible headache), another was light sensitive (no blind spots, no numbness, but light caused pain), this time I never really got the full headache, but had a lot of the symptoms, the newest being nausea.




FYI-
I need to go through and tag my myspace blogs, so for those who have subscribed via feed, I'm pretty sure it's going to mess up the order for you (i think it alerts when changes are made), just FYI.. they aren't new blogs, just tags added to old ones.

Parental Advisory: Explicit Content

You know that everything you read on the Internet is true, right?
If you don't like Rap music, I'd highly suggest not reading any further...

Tuesday night I was picked up to go to the Twins game and much to my surprise I hear some Eminem coming out of the speakers.  Dope!  As we are rollin' down, rapping along to the dopest white boy out there, I gots to thinkin'; 'Damn, I really need to make sure I have all these Eminem CD's in my car, and listen to them one by one'.  Which I have not done yet, but will hopefully do tonight - tomorrow will be a good day in the Yaris.  Then... we gots to talkin'; 'When is Dre supposed to drop his new album on us?'  Now, a couple days later I find myself still thinking about this.  Wikipedia, here I come.

Keeping in mind the first line of this blog; here are a few things I've found:
Read just the Background Portion - Dre has obviously been planning this for a long time, and from the sounds of it we may get to hear it before year end! 
In that same paragraph you'll notice mention of Eminem's album in the works, also set for release in 2008. 

Now, wikipedia can be edited by about anybody who has a clue, so really how much can you trust it?  Well, google is my friend and friends come through for one another: USA Today is talking about it, LA Times has a more in depth article.
I feel pretty confident that rap music will be blessed with some dope beats and lyrics that no longer talk about grills, money, or 'boots with the fur'.  Dre is the master of what he does and hopefully this release will help get some of these new 'rappers' either on board with what rapping should be or off the mic completely.

Moving on to Eminem, whether you love him or hate him, you HAVE to admit that boy can rap like no other.  Not only his ability to flow, but his creativity to come up with some of the most amazing lyrics and rhymes in the industry.  In case you didn't notice, I am a huge fan of his.  I love music with emotion and, when he's not being silly, Eminem has more emotion in his music than any other rapper I've heard.

I love music, most all genres, but I've found myself searching out new music because of the way rap and hip-hop have changed.  It makes me feel old saying stuff like that, my BFF and I were talking about that the other day... "Whats with all this rap music now-a-days?" we laugh, only it's not funny growing out of a genre you usually enjoy because a few punks think they can rap. 

This could be the biggest year in music if both Dre and Em come out with new stuff.  That being said, support the artists you enjoy, BUY the music, don't steal it.

I wonder if there are any other blogs out there about rap music...

Getting a feel for a new way of doing things...

As it turns out, my life is pretty dope.  When was the last time you stopped to be thankful for what you have? 
I cannot stress enough what amazing people I am surrounded by!  Family, friends, and everything in between... (that would have been a good title for my blog!)

Prepare to be wowed by the next banner I am making.  I had a lesson in photoshop from my dear friend Steve.  Talk about amazing, this guy is off the charts with his amazingness; you can feel it when he walks into the room! 

I spent most of my Monday at work setting up a Blackberry!  Talk about a good way to spend your day :)  Honestly, I enjoy that kind of crap so much.  The Rooster (who is really Chuck, the president of the company) needed a new phone, so I was able to help sway the decision into the world of BB life!  I ordered him the BB Curve - it was nice being able to check out a new version of the device, my little Pearl is great but it's the only BB I've ever known.  It was interesting going from holding the Curve to holding the Pearl... kind of makes me want a new phone.  ;)  Have you seen the Blackberry Bold?!  I've spent some time looking at that thing and holy hell that thing looks dopest!  I'd probably stick with the Curve or the Pearl for now (new products always have bugs), but it has serious potential!

Twins are in first place in the A.L. Central... just sayin'
I know K.C. is not the most promising team in the world, but I hope they destroy the Sox this series.

I'm straight up addicted to talk radio and sports talk radio.

OK - so I am still learning and playing with the features of this new blog, but so far I can say that I hate the fact that there are not faces to play with!  Those little guys are fun to pop in every now and then. 

I don't have anything else to say.  Good Day.

A new home for my words...

I must admit, blogging is not something I ever thought I would be into. I never considered myself a writer, and I still don't - probably never will. I'm very overwhelmed by the changes, the ownership, and the community that goes into blogging. I'm pretty sure I will lose some loyal myspace readers by changing... but I think it's about time I branch out and take some chances, right?
I designed my first banner:
It was pretty easy, if I'm being honest; nonetheless, I am quite impressed with myself for doing it. I wish I could have a new/different banner for each blog. Hell, I might be able to; all the setting and options are confusing to me, it's in bloggers language.

Speaking of language: can someone explain to me what an RSS Feed is? I've been trying to figure out how to make it easy for my friends (some of which I have to help with great detail {but I wouldn't have it any other way!}) to subscribe to my blog, or at least know when I've posted something new. Ideally I'd like to give them easy instructions without having to install anything or sign-up for much, if anything at all. That was the one perk of myspace blogging, you could subscribe easily and know (assuming they alerted you) when something had been posted. I'm pretty sure I have a subscribe button on my blog, but how it works beyond that, I'm just not sure; maybe I need to sign out and do some research. Any help on this topic would be greatly appreciated.
I'd like to know what backlinks are and how they work as well...

The one other thing I fear about changing is the anonymousness of the comments. I don't want people leaving anonymous comments... but I think you have to have some sort of account to leave any other kind of comment. I don't know, I'm still very confused.

Last but not least, I'd like to welcome everyone to my new blog!! I was able to copy/paste (horrible process) all my blogs from myspace, but wasn't able to get the comments over... I'm sure I could, but it would take forever. Now it's a lot easier to go back in time and read my older blogs; the archive function on blogger is bomb.com!!
Feel free to subscribe; I'm no poet, I don't (often) have much insight into life, but I like to type out my thoughts and share them with whomever likes to read them! Just another person in the world doin' her thang!

words to live by and my favorite sign off:
WORD BITCHES!

Follow up: Random - Vol. 8.12.1

ok, since only a few of you answered my question and said you'd read my blog if I took it off MS, I'm posting asking for help now.

Blogging is a super huge ...'trend'... so naming a blog takes creativity in order to find one that is available; I lack creativity, especially when I'm being asked to be it.
I have to create not only a blog title, but a blog url.
I have NO idea what to do here. I don't want to be lame and just name it 'Ang', or something along those lines... but I'm drawing a huge blank in going further than that and still making it mine.

So... you guys know me, some better than others, what url can I use that screams ANG, but doesnt actually say "ANG"??
I have lots of ideas for how to personalize it once I have it... photo shoots (Morgan, interested in helping with that?), layout designs, formatting...
and Steve, maybe once I get this rollin' you'd be up for sitting with me and helping me design a 'banner' in photoshop (or just doing it for me ;) )?
I have to get it set up before I know what options I have though.

btw- I am thinking of using blogspot, which is associated with google (and I LOVE me anything to do with google), also known as blogger.

Please post some replies... I'm under pressure to get this blog going (so that someone else can get theirs going!!)
and please... post a few ideas... my brain is not working this morning.

Once I get everything going, I'll post a link to my new off-site blog.

Random - Vol. 8.12

Brett's a JET! I can't seem to get the Jets song from West Side Story out of my head... "When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way" - I'm so excited!
The best part of all this is the "poison pill"... the Packers made certain that NY would not trade Favre to The Vikings. If Favre were to be traded to Minnesota , NY would have to give Green Bay 3 first round picks! Way to cover your asses Green Bay!!! I might jump on the Packers bandwagon this season, 2nd to the Vikings of course.

I'm so fricken happy.

I had my first Chipotle experience last night. Got a burrito. It was heaven. I want more.
I think my taste for spice is growing... most would think that's a good thing.

So... did you realize Batman is the only superhero without any superpowers? Erin and I watched Batman Begins - Everything he does or is capable of doing is on purpose (correct me if I'm wrong, Joey). I don't recall the original Batman movies all that well, so there could have been some back-story there, but I guess I just always assumed he was attacked or bitten by a bat and all of the sudden could fly and stuff (like Spider-man). Maybe it was just me being a naive child. Now I'm looking forward to watching The Dark Knight (we are going tonight!).

My friend Kristi suggested to me that I start blogging outside of myspace. I'm thinking about it... but I'm wondering if anyone would read it then? To those who read my blogs here, even if you never comment (cause I know you're out there); would you read it if it weren't on myspace? Thoughts please!!

This was a shorty... I have a job to do.
Good day ladies and gents.

Random - Vol. 8.11

First of all... I'm so super sick of myspace not alerting me when someone comments on my pictures, or writes a blog, or leaves a comment... WTF?! What's the point of having a myspace; oh yeah... what would I do if I couldn't see my long distance friends everyday. and I do look at each of you everyday - I miss you guys!

Closely related to the reason I miss my BB friends is all these damn boys knocking down my door - well not really knocking down my door, cause not all know where I live. You'd think I'd be happy about it... OK, so I might love the attention, but I'm getting bored with it.... and I'm honestly starting to get confused! I met a guy at Jen's wedding, another new guy to try and keep straight. He's pretty dope though... we'll see how it goes. He sure does like to text...
There was this other guy I went out with a few times; I'm not honestly sure why I did. It was kind of a secret, cause we might work together (or we might not; who knows?!). Pretty sure I was just doing it for the excitement of keeping the secret and it being sort of taboo. I'm so over that... he's not even close to anything I would ever pursue.
I'm a very physical person, always have been - so I like to have that in my life, but I'm not a piece of meat. I wish I knew what dating expectations were or are. I don't mind kissing on a first date, but what after that?
And really, on top of all this - I don't want to be in a relationship, so what is the point of dating?! It was fun in the beginning... but now it's just time consuming.

Bob here at my job likes to make up names for all the guys in my life, potential mate or otherwise. It all started when I was dating a guy from Chicago, Bob named him Chicago Boy. Then one day a sales person from Quill (our office supply company) came in to talk to me (he may have been quite friendly with me, borderline flirting) and Bob started calling him Quill Boy. It's gone on from there. My buddy Steve gave me an awesome gift once; a bottle of Tequila (Sauza) but relabeled it as Swayze (it's a long story that we share, but I'll post a picture of it sometime so you can see it's amazingness), anyhow after telling people at work about it Steve is now Tequila Boy. I also have UPS Boy, Pop Boy, Friend Boy, Billboard Boy, and many others! It's pretty much the single funniest thing in my life!

Oh yeah, there is also Hitchhiker Boy... which is the perfect segway into a different topic.
Remember the blog I wrote about the hitchhiker? I'm sure you do; I get asked about him ALL THE TIME from people who have read the blog. The update, as sad as this is to me, is that I haven't seen him since I wrote the blog! My gut says he got in the wrong truck one day and is no longer with us. The optimist in me, albeit not realistic, says he got a good paying job, bought a fancy new car, shaved, showered, and is now a successful business man which in turn means he no longer has to hitch a ride! I'm pretty sure he's dead, drugged himself to death... probably meth, that stuff is all over in Princeton. Bob and I used to talk about him all the time, cause we'd both see him on our drives (hence Hitchhiker Boy).

I have some strange thoughts while driving... I love to have my window down, but I drive by the dump in Elk River everyday and not only does it stink something fierce but there are always trucks in and out, up and down on Hwy. 169. I had several huge rocks hit the windshield on my van, a couple even put a chip in it. What if those rocks came in my rolled down window and took out my eye?!
Have you ever thought about what would happen if you are driving... you are wearing sunglasses (or regular glasses)... and your airbag (assuming you have one) deploys?! Would those glasses break leaving shards of glass or plastic in your eyeball?
I mention in one of my last blogs that I went through and read all the blogs I've written here on myspace; I once wrote a blog about being so tired at work and having an open 3-ring binder in front of me... my thoughts went on to what if my head dropped onto said 3-ring binder and popped one of my eyeballs! I don't know what's wrong with me.

I haven't worn shorts in probably 8 years, other than boxers to bed or at the beach or something; I don't like my legs. I bought a pair this year at Old Navy for like $4.00 - figured why not give it a shot... I've been hitting the gym, maybe it will be okay. So I wore them the other week... it wasn't half bad! I haven't rushed out to stock up on them or anything... but I've taken a step forward. Good for me!